No Title

We rely too heavily on titles. We have been made to believe that title is connected to worth. We all strive to heighten our rank to the next title. There are those people though who realize the importance of doing what you love and what you need without caring about titles. If you love being a salesperson, remain a salesperson, become a great salesperson and forget about the pressure to become a manager. Happiness is the most important factor, not other people’s approval.

I am currently trying to overcome the pressure of titles. With 18 years of being pressured to conform into a girlfriend and eventually a wife, I have found it hard to shed those titles. When you think about it, the great romances of our lives are not those who automatically commit to us and make our lives easier. They are the romances that were so intense that there wasn’t time to think about committing, or no need. Love that survived whatever title was thrown at it: friend, lover, soulmate, spouse, etc is a love worth remembering. When it has no dependence on anyone else, it just lives on and on despite the fact that your entire life will try to take it away.

Titles have turned into a cage for lovers. A label for something that has far too many catagories, far too many levels, and far too many variations for only a few words to describe them. Couples are not on the same level as each other just because they are couples, love and trust between them sets them apart. Ross and Racheal are not on the same level as Chandler and Monica just because one is a couple and the other isn’t, they aren’t on the same level because of the different love between them. What captivates your heart more? The happily-ever-after fairytale, or the lovers who overcome everything just for the simple right to love? Cinderella or Juliet? Snow white or Rose Dewitt-Bukater? Ray Ramone or Forrest Gump? See, inside we know which kind of love overcomes. The simple, unadorned, unconditional love beats any that is planned, labelled, or required.

Then what is marriage for? Isn’t marriage sacred and holy, the ultimate end to any courtship? If we look at history, marriage was never for love. It was for advancement, for convienence, and for legal rights. Only the last could be connected to love, so in the eyes of the government you had a right to the one you have willingly spent your life with. It was never to prove love, it was never to heighten love, it really had nothing to do with love. Love was not required to be married.  Well doesn’t marriage prove ultimate commitment to each other? Vows taken in front of God and your friends and families are for your own peace of mind and your own need to prove yourself, trust between each other is the only commitment you really need. We have relied too heavily on the title of wife and husband to keep us safe, and that is why divorce rates are so high.

Love has been challenged enough, it is time to let is rest. If your relationship can’t last without a title, then it just plain isn’t strong enough. Leave it and wait for the kind that will conquer all.