A Love Affair
When you live in the same town, in the same house, within a radius of 100 miles for 20 years, which just happens to be the age you are; you feel like there’s nothing you could possibly be taking advantage of. You say to yourself, what is there here that I couldn’t find anywhere else? Let me answer that for you now.
There’s a tobacco field hidden at the end of my road that has given me more peace and relaxation than any cigarette has ever given anyone… There’s a corn field that has managed to restore my love for a food that brings me so much pain when I consume it… There’s a dog lying in my bed that has more personality than most of the people I’ve met… There’s a beach house that holds more good memories inside it than my actual house has… There’s the funniest couple you’ll ever meet waiting for me to fill their house with laughter and messes again… There’s an ice cream and a donut shop that literally has an entire town revolving around them… There are best friends who would follow me to the end of the world… There’s a big screen TV with the Boston Red Sox playing on it, with a take out meal ready and waiting… There’s family never too far away, in case you need them, or they need you… There’s my own personal prince waiting patiently to take me into his arms… What do I have there that I can’t find anywhere else? How about everything. Everything that I’ve ever loved.
I’ve been saying that if I could only take my friends and family from home and transplant them in England, then life would be perfect… But that’s wrong. Nothing would be the same here. I know too many people who are still searching for a constant, who are still trying to cement things to be in their life for more than a year. There are too many people still searching for a place to call home, who would love to be able to look back 20 years and see the same loving faces and special places. There are dreams that I’ve had too but I think maybe I’m lucky enough already.
I love you England, I do. As much as I knew I would.
But this will have to be just a passionate love affair…
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On Poetry…
The title of this post is alluding to a poem my late cousin wrote. It’s something we didn’t get to read until after she died. Back then there wasn’t blogs like this, and we were thankful for a way to get to know her all over again, even after she was gone.
We’re getting to almost a year since I last posted a poem on this blog and I’m really sad that I can’t share new ones with you anymore. The ones from these past months have had new topics and new vibes, I wish you could all see the progress I’ve made. Unfortunately I just don’t feel right about publishing them here anymore, especially after I found out people were using them. And not just poems, my thoughts as well – which disturbed me more than the poems. You can’t steal thoughts people! Anyway, I hope someday I can share these with you, in whatever form I have to, but for now I’ll stick with posting travel stuff, photographs, and music only. Thanks for sticking with me :)
The Living Part of London
The novelty of being in LONDON has worn off and it’s amazing how content I am to spend my days in my little southeast part of central London. I think I’ve fallen in love with it. Forget Oxford Street and South Kensington, London Bridge is my home (not literally, I’m not homeless). I continue to explore, I recently got lost in both Chelsea and the City. I think I’m almost done with the places I can get lost; I’ve been to them all. Classes are done and this month I’ll be traveling across the UK and Ireland. It’s surreal that in that time I’m going to have to register for classes back home, and apply to internships for next semester. Being back in Western Massachusetts will be an interesting transition… Can’t you all just move over here??
Semester Abroad Bucket List
Things I’d be really bummed about if I missed!
London – specific
-
- Climb the steps of St. Paul’s Cathedral
Ride the London Eye- Be in the audience of a BBC show
Go to a football match(England v Ghana, so sick!)- Beach comb the Thames River (Plenty of glass and bones)
- Sit in on a criminal trial at Old Bailey’s
- Visit Platform 9 3/4 [The photo op was actually on platform 8 :( ]
- Stalk Chris Martin (He found me!)
- Visit Sherlock Holmes House (Kind of by accident)
- Get an Abbey Road zebra crossing picture
- See Les Miserables at the Queen’s Theatre
- Ride in a black cab
Find the place where Jimi Hendrix died- Experience London club life (All I can say is, Fabric…)
See a part of the Royal Wedding party(So amazing!!!)
- Give accurate directions to a foreigner (How do I get to London Bridge? I know that one!!)
- Drink a pint (Lots of cider AND I managed one IPA haha)
- Shop on Oxford Street (Primark – the UK’s Forever 21)
- Go on a Jack the Ripper tour
Tour the Tower of London (again)- Go to the London Zoo
- Go to Buckingham Palace (again)
- Pick up British terminology (Queue, hob, stone, toilet, pavement, top-up, etc.)
- Become a regular somewhere (Café Nero Waterloo Bridge every Monday @ 12, please don’t stalk me.)
- Shop in Portabella Market (Need to go again, loved it!)
Shop in Camden Market- Frequent Borough Market (every week, because it’s amazing)
- See a live band
England – specific
-
Go to the coastClimb to the Seven SistersTour Windsor Castle
Go in a proper medieval castleGo to a proper country estate
- Tour Hampton Court Palace
Visit BathSee StonehengeVisit Oxford- Visit Cambridge
Experience the beauty of the Peak DistrictVisit YorkVisit Edinburgh and the HighlandsExperience the beauty of the Lake District- Experience the beauty of the Cotswolds
Visit WalesVisit IrelandSee the Beatles hometown of LiverpoolSEE SOME SHEEP, MY FAVORITE ANIMALS
Europe – Specific
-
Get off this island!Spend some time with my best friend somewhere in Europe!- Spend a weekend in Paris <3
Personal Goals
-
- Remain Vegetarian
- Live alone (unless someone is living in my cupboard I think this is a done-deal)
- Know Central London like the back of my hand
- Spend money wisely (‘tis a tricky one!)
- Really learn something useful from each of my courses (As for if this will reflect in my grades, I do not know)
If I’m going to watch TV then only British showsLearn the difference between Londoners and the rest of the English people
That’s all for now, come back for updates!
Southwick to Southwark
It dawned on me today that a lot of people might not know about the different boroughs of London. There are quite a lot and each has it’s own scene and vibe. Frequently we find ourselves asking, what is the equivalent of this borough to places back home? But it’s just so hard to compare London to anywhere else. Southwark (pronounced “Suthuck”) is a borough along the South Bank of the Thames. It holds the Tate Modern museum and Shakespeare’s Globe. But it’s much more than that.
When I first arrived in Southwark from Southwick, Ma, USA, I wasn’t impressed. First impressions were not anything I had hoped for; to be sure it wasn’t anything close to Notting Hill. It’s taken about a week of exploring and returning to my new home to really appreciate the area. This Saturday we walked down to Borough Market and were completely taken off guard by how amazing the local scene was. There were smiling vendors selling everything: meats, wheels of cheeses, spices, vegetables, wine, granola, breads. It was a wonderland of local products. From there we explored the winding streets near the Thames and discovered hidden restaurants and pubs, our very own Cathedral, and a docked pirate ship. Walking under bridges became magical when we realized the ceilings sparkled and danced with webs of little lights that stretched from end to end.
There’s also a video of one particularly fancy show: http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=16309695&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=1&color=&fullscreen=1&autoplay=0&loop=0
Clink Street LED Mesh Installation from Halo Lighting on Vimeo.
Because very occasionally I am lucky, I happen to live in a part of Southwark called “The Borough”, and for anyone who reads Harry Potter, that really is a treat. If you’d like to learn more about my area follow this link: Southwark Council
And maybe the next time you visit London, after you visit the tourist attractions and the upscale neighborhoods, maybe you’ll venture down to Bankside and see our old London retreat.
My Feet Won’t Touch The Ground
Although I have London Calling stuck in my head at the moment, the song that portrays today and this entire week isn’t as cliche, and (thankfully) it isn’t the pop songs we heard 6 months ago in the US that every store in London is currently playing. It’s Coldplay’s Life in Technicolor II. It fits because obviously- it’s Coldplay, it’s one of my favorites, it’s upbeat, and it’s ironic – because my feet have never touched the ground as much as they have this one week. We’ve walked in fog, and rain, and one time sun, day and night, in company and alone. Walking, walking, walking, feet on the ground. Plus, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in London, the Brits are even funnier than I thought, and this video is quite amusing:
“See ya later”
The past week has been a little weird. It’s funny how people react when someone says they are leaving. I was met with tears from unexpected sources, and with silence from those I wished would speak. But the best thing about leaving, I think, is realizing how much you will miss. That’s how you know that you have a good life; when you leave for an entrancing, exciting city and you know your life in a little farming town could be just as good if you stayed…
Today is the last day before I embark on an adventure to a land that I have dreamt of for most of my life. I know I will grow up fast, change my views, and live a way I have never had the opportunity to live before- but I also know that I will stay the same. I’ll always be the same little girl with big ideas and big dreams; and that is why I don’t say good-bye… I know I’ll see ya later.
5 months in London
Very soon I will be departing to spend five exciting months in the city of London! I’ll be splitting time between classes at King’s College, exploring every crevice in the city, and travelling to the other European countries and English cities.
Every chance I get I’m going to update with a picture, a song, and some kind of reflection or news. Hopefully it’ll keep everyone entertained and in touch :)
What Colleenkenzie is Listening To:
Some Old, Some New, All Good —
Follow the links, take a listen–
And add them to your playlists -
Bon Iver:
Flume
Skinny Love
The Wolves (Act I And II)
Blood Bank
Florence + the Machine:
Cosmic Love
I’m Not Calling You a Liar
Drumming Song
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpLXQorSQe8]
Heavy In Your Arms
Dog Days Are Over
A Fine Frenzy:
Near to You
The Beacon
Almost Lover
Ashes and Wine
Smashing Pumpkins:
Zero
Tonight, Tonight
Disarm
Neil Young:
Old Man
Needle And The Damage Done
My My Hey Hey
Schuyler Fisk:
Hello
Who Am I To You
Fall Apart Today
Paperweight (with Joshua Radin)
Rachael Yamagata:
Over and Over
I’ll Find A Way
Worn Me Down
The Reason Why
Duet (with Ray LaMontagne)
Fleet Foxes:
White Winter Hymnal
Ragged Wood
Your Protector
Blue Ridge Mountains*
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1tbX_NJn98]
Led Zeppelin:
All of My Love
Babe, I’m Gonna Leave You
I Can’t Quit You Baby
Ten Years Gone
When The Levee Breaks
Band of Horses:
The Funeral
No One’s Gonna Love You
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuZo7pLnL7c]
Is There A Ghost
The Black Keys:
I Got Mine
Psychotic Girl
All You Ever Wanted
Lies
Bowerbirds:
Hooves
In Our Talons
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RCFswPhyY0]
Human Hands
Dark Horse
City and Colour:
Day Old Hate
Hello I’m in Delaware
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XVj01RKDDc]
Casey’s Song
Comin’ Home
The Dear Hunter:
What It Means To Be Alone
Life and Death
The Tank
Red Hands
The Bitter Suite 1 and 2: Meeting Ms. Leading and Through The Dime
Mustard Gas
Mumford And Sons:
Awake My Soul
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N45Ni375US0]
The Banjolin Song
The Cave
Horse Feathers:
Curs In The Weeds*
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0RsyF5oEzI]
Working Poor
Heathen’s Kiss
Lydia:
Smile, You’ve Won
Hospital
This Is Twice Now
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bA_oPIU83GY]
Stay Awake
Ingrid Michaelson:
Glass*
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9btJOnrBsI]
Corner Of Your Heart
Winter Song (with Sara Bareilles)
Ray Charles:
Drown In My Own Tears
Georgia On My Mind
Hit The Road Jack
You Don’t Know Me*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-5LwRinkJ0]
Snow Patrol:
You Could Be Happy*
Run
Make This Go On Forever
The Maine:
This Is The End
Into Your Arms
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKrndtqKtWE]
Coldplay:
Life in Technicolor ii
Strawberry Swing
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMLUyUfcij8]
We Never Change
Rainy Day
Good Old War:
Just Another Day
Looking For Shelter
I’m Not For You
The Temper Trap:
Sweet Disposition
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Vkqx4nRLdc]
Science of Fear
Love Lost
Fools
Wolfmother:
Where Eagles Have Been
Vagabond
Pleased To Meet You
Joker and the Thief
Saosin:
Follow And Feel
It’s Far Better To Learn
I Never Wanted To
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeSlBejOm1A]
Thomas Newman:
Revolutionary Road
American Beauty
Shawshank Redemption
Hans Zimmer:
Why So Serious? – The Dark Knight
Discombobulate – Sherlock Holmes*
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vML70Tf8ZpA]
And Then I Kissed Him – Pearl Harbor
The Legend Spreads – Braveheart
Dario Marianelli:
Liz On Top Of The World – Pride And Prejudice
End Credits – Pride And Prejudice
You’re Hands Are Cold – Pride And Prejudice
A few more original scores:
James Horner:
A Kaleidoscope of Mathematics – A Beautiful Mind
Danny Elfman:
Alice’s Theme – Alice In Wonderland
Stanley Park June ’10
Beacon
When the sun sets
I seek the city
I seek the beacon it becomes
I approach it from the darkness
And it becomes a rising sun
The lights wink in joking
The pavements rise and fall
The little grass is choking
As my heart and spirit call
I’ve sweated in the heat
And I’ve shivered in the cold
I’ve always loved this city
For all my life it holds
The bright, bustling shops
The dark, restless bars
The lines of street side parking
And the speeding-by cars
Now I wonder if I’d leave it all
To be with you alone
I wonder if I’d make this trip
If I could call you home
I can be all by myself
This city holds no harm
But I can’t stand that lonely dark
Without being in your arms.
The Forrest to Your Jenny
I cannot be the Forrest to your Jenny
I cannot wait here until the end
I deserve a Jack who never lets go
And it’s worthless to pretend.
Somehow it felt like we were one
Like we were flying above the best,
But now all I can see is a broken dream
And a love like all the rest.
I have finally given up on us
And that is the very worst part.
It’s sadder than my empty bed
More painful than my broken heart.
But don’t you think it’s time we grew up?
That maybe we met when we were much too young.
There were things I know we shouldn’t have said,
But weren’t mature enough to hold our tongue.
There were feelings I probably should have explained
But I could never find the right words to say.
And there were truths you should have let me know,
Words that could make this end a different way.
I’ll keep you in my photo albums
And I’ll keep you in my heart
But it’s time to push you from my mind
And make a brand new start.
So this is my goodbye
I know it’s kind of late
But I figure it’s better to leave and love
Than to sit around and wait.
Nothing More To Do
I could stand in the road watching cars go by
But I will never see yours.
I could try and try to open our friendship
But there will never be any doors.
I could listen to our songs until light
But you would never hear them.
I could visit our places everyday
But you would never see them.
I could lay naked in bed for days
And never find you next to me.
I could become an amazing person
Still you wouldn’t bother with me.
I could do all the things I wanted us to do
But you would never be there.
I could save everything for you
But that would never be fair.
I could dream up how it could have been
When we were twenty-nine.
But instead I’ll find a different man
And leave our love behind.
What Protects Our Hearts
At any given time, how many hearts could you potentially break?
Man or Woman
Whether unknowingly or purposefully
Did you even know you held that power?
Did you break one today
When you thought it was okay
How many this year?
Or is the answer unclear?
I hold in my hands, indirectly,
The hearts of people who have never met me.
I hold secrets inside me
That forever bind me
To the fragility of their souls.
I will never be thanked for
This power I won’t show.
Will forever be unknown
As the one who kept you whole.
Things I Love
I’ve been thinking too negatively lately and I just wanted to jot down the things that make me smile…
In no particular order:
- the way any Coldplay song can literally lift my spirit from wherever it is back up to my chest
- the warmth of the sun piercing through my skin right to my bones
- a book that I cannot stop reading
- Fenway Park; everything from the breeze blowing in, to the hot dogs being passed down the aisle.
- Elms College; everything from Berchmans Hall to Gaylord House to the close knit community
- driving down a road where both sides are fields as far as the eye can see
- looking at the stars from a place where there’s no light interference
- the diamond ring that I place on my right hand every morning
- private beaches: summer, fall, winter, & spring; day & night
- the city of London: West End, Covent Garden, Parliament Square, Trafalgar Square, & even East End
- sitting around a bonfire any season, with anybody really
- fiddleheads with butter
- big snow storms with large fluffy flakes
- the beginning of a thunderstorm, before the rain comes when the wind picks up and the clouds darken the sky and lightning flashes with the rolling distant thunder.
- my microfiber light green comforter
- the feeling I get when I am reminded that I have a soulmate
- babies that make me yearn to be a mother
- how my family is never boring
- movies that change my mind or change my feelings about things completely
- Christmas. Period.
- push-up bras
- lace
- being given a bouquet of flowers
- kissing in the rain
- baseball, football (soccer), rugby
- crying for joy
- the wilderness, upstate new york and maine
- puppies & kittens
- bodies of water
- crowns/tiaras
- photography
- checking for tan lines when you get out of the sun
- chocolate frozen yogurt on a hot summer night
- the smell of pine trees
- the smell of my dog’s feet, which coincidentally is like pine trees
- driving in a new car
- homemade hummus and curried anything
- saunas or any dry heat
- a fresh notebook, any size
- a night out with friends, no matter what we do
